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Shells

from Cancer Is A Gift by Cope

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about

("the manic restlessness for days on end were the best days of her life or so she said. there was something living vicariously through her which she could not explain something that was controlling her with racing thoughts and movements. she was living in absolute manic bliss. and then the depression came crashing down on her. it almost killed her. she was motionless and brain dead. laying in bed with her jacket on, on top of the covers for a week. when she finally gained the strength to call, the doctor paired the shock treatments and the medication hand in hand. and in the end she did get better. but she wasn't herself. she was someone else. a shell of her former self. i remember,all of this and really none of this matters. because she'll always be my mother and i will always love her." )

lyrics

it wants to speak
i want to sleep
it wants to excrete
i want to eat
it wants to compete
i'm incomplete
it wants to die
i want to be
i want to be

a broken back from working
fingers bled down to the bone.
now at home, open the door
but noone else is home.
its cluttered on the inside
but not enough to fill the void
the silence is just the perfect thing
to keep from feeling annoyed

inside this rusted skeleton, a heart made of ash
(dead inside dead inside)
cold hands on the metal dead face behind the glass
(dead inside dead inside)
waiting for the moment like a hammer and nail
(dead inside dead inside)
holes in my hands
and i cant i cant i cant i fail, i fail.

not awake or sleeping
just staring through blank screens
absolutely listless
the bottom of extremes
lost inside her own head
lost inside depressed
lost inside a defected mind
but this living life is blessed.

inside this rusted skeleton, a heart made of ash
(dead inside dead inside)
cold hands on the metal dead face behind the glass
(dead inside dead inside)
waiting for the moment like a hammer and nail
(dead inside dead inside)
holes in my hands
and i cant i cant i cant i fail, i fail.

fail
fail
fail
holes in my hands
grasping at sand
dead.
dead.
dead.

credits

from Cancer Is A Gift, released August 1, 2010

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Cope Edmonton, Alberta

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